AITAH for not adding the affair partner’s birthday as a custody swap day?
I (27m) have two kids (4 and 3) with my ex-wife (26f). She cheated on me and is now married to her affair partner (35m). In the custody agreement our birthdays are considered custody swap days because if I have the kids on my ex’s birthday, she gets them. If she has them on mine, I get them. The swap days are our birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and close family weddings and funerals. Otherwise she gets the kids for 7 days and I get them for 7 days. Any other swap days we add are at our discretion and will not be added to a court order. This includes if we later have more kids with other people, stepparents, step-relative weddings, funerals and such.
My ex and her affair partner want his birthday to be a swap day. They argue it’s only fair because he will be their second dad and they won’t remember a time without him. She even argued that it would be petty on my part to reject his birthday as a swap day. But I did reject it. I told her he was not getting his birthday and my mind was made up. The affair partner told me I must be a shitty dad to deny the kids his birthday and I told him if that makes me a shitty dad it definitely make him a shitty stepdad to be the other person in their parents marriage and the person who helped end their family.
My ex formally wrote out the request to add the day when I said no verbally. I wrote out my rejection again. My attorney has noted both her asking and me rejecting and he told me I’ll be fine. He did have to write to my ex’s attorney who requested we reconsider because they would start a parental alienation case against me if I did not reconsider. My attorney’s response was that they should be careful too because we have evidence that they have tried to buy me off and get me to drop out of my kids’ lives and let the affair partner adopt them. Things were silent after this. But my ex brought it up during an exchange and she told me I’m a selfish SOB for not adding her affair partner’s birthday to the swap list.
AITAH?
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