“AITA if I scheduled my husband’s dog to be euthanized behind his back?”

3 weeks ago my husband’s dog became paralyzed from the neck down. She had a two day stay in the animal hospital where she remained paralyzed, but she was more lively due to IV fluids, pain meds, and eating again. I was under the impression that if she didn’t have a confident good prognosis, we would have her euthanized rather than bringing her home.

My husband freaked out when I tried to talk about it again the night before she was due to be discharged and refused to have her euthanized. The vet strongly recommended surgery, but the cost for everything was going to be in the tens of thousands of dollars with no guarantee or recovery, so husband decided to bring her home for medical management.

The vet said IF she is going to recover, it would take 4-6 weeks before she could be off bed rest. I don’t think the vet was transparent enough with him how unlikely it would be for her to recover without surgery. Everything online says it’s extremely unlikely (<10%) for a fully paralyzed dog to recover without surgery, even with the best quality medical management and physical therapy…

(Which we aren’t able to provide her ourselves). In the three weeks she has been home, she has shown no progress. She is a big dog and I am currently pregnant, so I am limited in the ways I can help move her safely and effectively. My husband is gone most of the day at work, so I do what I can while he’s away, but I know it’s not enough.

She needs her bladder expressed throughout the day but she also pees on herself a bit throughout the day. Since she can’t move, she poops herself when she has to go. She needs baths often because of this. She has to be flipped over every couple of hours to prevent bed sores.

She gets really stressed when other people are over or when she sees my husband playing with our toddler, like she’s jealous that she can’t play like she used to. She whines and whimpers throughout the day. My husband has been sleeping on the couch since he came home to be close to her overnight, otherwise she barks and whines all night.

It is apparent to me she is absolutely miserable living like this, but she is eating and drinking, so I don’t think she will die naturally anytime soon. My husband has been coming home from work and drinking every night to “cope” so talks of euthanizing her have not gone well. I have no problem handling all of the “admin” parts of it so he can just be with her while she passes peacefully, but I cannot get him to agree to it.

I think it’s unfair to force the dog to live like this, and the level of care she needs is not sustainable for us. I cannot be a care taker to a special needs dog while I am taking care of a toddler and soon a newborn, and my husband isn’t home enough to properly take care of her most of the day.

The time it takes him to care for her also takes away from him helping the household and family. Given the situation, would I been wrong to schedule her to be euthanized behind his back?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

witsendgame said:

This poor dog. She has zero quality of life. Your husband is being selfish in his grief and denial. He needs to consent though or he will resent you forever.

freebird185 said:

I mean you would be an asshole for scheduling the euthanasia behind his back. But let’s be real here, you’re 1000% in the right that the dog needs to be put down. Your husband needs to seriously get his stuff together.

He’s drinking every night to “cope” with a dying dog?? He needs to get a grip. Tell him his behavior and failure to take the action needed here does not reflect well on his prospects as a soon to be father. Dog needs to go.

HinomaruAki said:

This makes me so angry. Your husband has brought home his sick dog, he spends all day away without any thought whatsoever to her needs, or even your state, lets you take care of her the whole day and when he gets home he starts drinking to cope? With what, he doesn’t do shit for her, he just feels bad for himself. He would rather let her live miserably than take responsibility and let her pass with some dignity.

Limerase said:

ESH. Your husband is letting an animal suffer because his feelings are more important. You can’t physically care for her, you can’t afford surgery. But if you have the dog put down behind his back, it’s likely he will NEVER forgive you.

You cannot care for the dog due to your pregnancy and he needs to find a solution so an innocent animal isn’t suffering needlessly. If not euthanasia, then he needs to hire a caretaker or take off work because you are not the longterm solution for his dog.

confettiabsurdity said:

ESH. What he’s doing is wrong but you CAN’T just KILL HIS DOG.

Roxxor247 said:

NTA, because you want to euthanize the dog but YTA if you do it behind your husbands back. If your husband didn’t care about the dog that’d be one thing but that doesn’t seem to be the case and I think you’re not fully thinking through the consequences if you do this behind his back.