I (F30s) am MOH in Mildred’s wedding. We’ve been BFFs for a decade. We live in LA, as does another bridesmaid, Ethel. The 3rd bridesmaid, Edna, lives in SL and I’ve only met her once prior.

Mildred planned a joint B/G bach weekend away. She asked Edna to plan the brides’ half instead of me because she assumed I’d be busy. I was fine with this and happy to support.

Edna sent group texts outlining the itinerary and delegated games and decor to us. Mildred had told Edna she needed to be open to suggestions. Early on, I made 1 suggestion that Edna shut down. I asked if we could ask the other girls; when they declined, I dropped it. I sensed Edna was annoyed, so I stepped back in the group chat to avoid tension and let her lead.

Edna then announced we’d all be doing breakfast and splitting the cost with the guys, noting it would be $$ because they “eat enough.” I opted out and said I’d buy my own breakfast, citing my diet to keep the peace. This was accepted.

I bought a few custom items (sashes, banner, cups, temp tattoos) and shared them with the group. Edna and Ethel were upset I bought things without checking first. Instead of coming to me, they went to Mildred and said I wasn’t pulling my weight, was unresponsive, protested breakfast, and crossed a line.

Mildred relayed this and said she needed “3 grown women to figure it out” without involving her. I then sent a group message to Edna and Ethel apologizing for ordering items without asking, agreeing not to do it again, and asking that we leave Mildred out of it. Edna replied saying she was the lead and didn’t need to run things by us, while we needed to run things by her. Ethel agreed.

After, Mildred stopped speaking to me for 3 weeks. During that time, she sent a group msg saying everyone would pay for breakfast or stay home. I felt singled out and privately told her it hurt, but that I was moving on. She didn’t respond.

We eventually met. I apologized for breakfast, being less responsive, and buying items without approval. She said she understood both sides and that she’d stopped speaking to me because Edna had stopped speaking to her. I offered to apologize again to clear the air.

I spoke with Ethel, went fine. With Mildred’s approval, I texted Edna apologizing and asking to move on. Edna accepted. Later, Edna told Mildred my apology wasn’t good enough and said she’d stop speaking to Mildred. Mildred then told me I needed to apologize properly and take responsibility for the stress I caused.

When I questioned this, Mildred said I was entirely at fault, that her fiancé was furious with me, and that I’m the reason my relationships fail. Despite this, I sent another apology to Edna with no response. Mildred said she loved me and we’d talk, but the next day said she was done discussing it.

I told her that without a conversation, given the personal things she said, I didn’t feel comfortable attending the trip. She said she doesn’t respond to ultimatums. I withdrew from the trip. AITA?