AITA for being upset that my girlfriend went through my old DMs from before we dated?
I’m 22M, my girlfriend is 20F. We’ve been together for over a year now and live seperately. She has my Instagram password but won’t give me hers because she’s not “comfortable” with it but that’s a separate issue. She sometimes snoops around my account and I’ve told her it’s an invasion of my privacy if she isn’t willing to do the same but it always ends up with her being mad at me and saying I don’t want it keep it. Anyways, last night while I was asleep she goes through my Instagram DMs and found chats from way before we were dating. Some of those messages were from my teen years and were obviously immature and horny.
Stuff like me saying some girl I used to have a crush on is hot, joking “why she gotta have a man”. saying someone looked “thicc,” just dumb guy talk with friends when I was single. I’m not proud of those chats either but it was like a few years ago and I wasn’t in a relationship with anyone. I met my girlfriend (then an acquaintance) through an online group back in 2022–2023, and during that time, before we were close or dating, I sometimes told friends that she was cute and joked about whether I should hit her dms.
One of my friends used to like her sister and I jokingly made a few remarks in some chats about how he used to be down bad for her too. Another example is me sending a picture of a girl that was our friend and saying hear me out, she’s kinda cute After reading all this she says that I’m a “lustful loser” and that I never really changed, and that the only reason I act decent now is because I’m in a relationship. She believes that people don’t change and in her mind, those old messages show who I really am and the relationship is like a leash to me and she says if you really wanna look or “lust” over other women I’ll end this relationship. She has blocked me since on every platform and isn’t willing to hear me out.
I understand why seeing stuff like that would hurt her and I’m not defending the way I talked back then in anyway. But what hurts me is that she went through my DMs without asking and is judging me today based on a version of me she never even knew. I’ve never cheated, I respect her, and I don’t talk like that anymore and I really really love her. It is important to point out she herself acknowledged that there wasn’t a single message like that during the time span of our relationship so maybe I’m just hiding it better.
AITA for writing those messages and telling her that it was wrong for her to go behind my back and read my DMs?
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