This Mother-in-Law is Refusing to Share Her Family Recipes With Her “One-Upper” DIL and Honestly, We Support the Gatekeeping

We all have that one person in our lives who simply cannot let anyone else have their moment in the sun, but one mother-in-law on Reddit has officially reached her limit with her daughter-in-law’s competitive streak. Imagine having a family where everyone has “their thing”—whether it is baking pies or knitting—and then having a new addition to the family systematically try to take those things over. If you have ever wanted to protect your family’s secret sauce from someone who treats every Sunday dinner like a televised cooking competition, this story is your new anthem.

The Original Poster (OP) explains that her daughter-in-law, “Kelly,” has a pathological habit of one-upping everyone in the family. It started with the OP’s daughter, who was the designated pie-maker of the group. Kelly asked for the recipes, and instead of just enjoying them, she started bringing her own versions of those exact pies to every single event. She didn’t just bring them; she pushed the family to compare them, effectively trying to dethrone the original baker. It is a level of social aggression that is usually reserved for reality TV villains, not family potlucks.

But the moment that really k!lled the vibe was when Kelly decided to target a literal child. The OP’s youngest daughter, who was only fourteen at the time, spent her holiday season knitting a scarf for her mom. It wasn’t a secret; the whole family knew what she was working on. On Christmas morning, right after the teenager proudly handed over her handmade gift, Kelly swooped in with a “bonus gift” for the OP: a very expensive, high-end scarf. It was a calculated move designed to make a fourteen-year-old’s hard work look small, and it is absolutely heartbreaking.

The OP tried to have a rational conversation with Kelly about her behavior, but of course, Kelly denied everything. Even the OP’s son claimed he couldn’t see the pattern, which is a classic case of being blinded by love—or just wanting to avoid a sh!t-show at home. However, the rest of the family has started to notice. When you target every woman and girl in the family for a “who did it better” contest, people are going to start closing their cookbooks.

This brings us to the Great Italian Recipe Standoff. The OP has a collection of legendary Italian recipes handed down from her mother, which are her signature contribution to family gatherings. Naturally, Kelly came sniffing around for the instructions. But this time, the OP had a backbone of steel. She told Kelly “no.” When Kelly pushed for a reason and accused the OP of not seeing her as real family, the OP was refreshingly blunt: she isn’t sharing because of Kelly’s behavior.

Kelly responded by calling her mother-in-law a d!ck, which is always a great way to get someone to share their secrets. Now, the OP’s son is on her a** as well, accusing her of gatekeeping the recipes just because she “doesn’t like” his wife. But this isn’t about likes or dislikes; it is about protecting a legacy from someone who treats family traditions like a hostile takeover. If you give a “one-upper” your best recipe, you are basically handing them the keys to your own social execution.

The emotional commentary here is a mix of “good for you” and “why is the son so blind?” It is total bullsh!t to expect someone to hand over their most prized intellectual property to a person who has already proven they will use it to undermine you. The OP isn’t just gatekeeping food; she is gatekeeping her peace of mind. Why should she provide the ammunition for Kelly to outshine her at the next Christmas dinner?

Let’s be real for a second: the scarf incident alone should have been enough for the son to step in. Making a fourteen-year-old feel inferior about a handmade gift is a low move. If Kelly wants to be the “best” at everything, she can go find her own recipes on Google and leave the family heirlooms alone. The OP is standing up for the culture of her home, where people are allowed to have “their thing” without it being turned into a competition.

The son’s accusation of “gatekeeping” is a haughty move that ignores the context. Gatekeeping implies you are keeping something from someone who deserves it. Kelly has proven that she doesn’t want the recipes to honor the family; she wants them to win. It is a sh!t-show of a situation where the husband is choosing to ignore his wife’s toxic competitive streak and instead painting his mother as the villain.

This story is a vital reminder that you are not obligated to share everything you own just because someone is “family.” Family is built on respect and support, not on trying to outdo a teenager at a secret Santa exchange. The OP has every right to keep her mother’s Italian secrets to herself, especially when the person asking for them has a history of being an ahole about it.

So, is she the ahole? Absolutely not. She is a legend. She saw a pattern of behavior that was hurting the women in her family and she put a stop to it at her own doorstep. If Kelly wants Italian food, she can go to a restaurant or learn to cook from scratch. The family recipes stay with the people who know how to share a meal without needing a trophy at the end of it.