“Should I break up with my partner of 5 years?”

I 24F have been with my partner 29M for almost 5 years now. We bought our first home and spent months renovating it and we moved in together 12 months ago. When we first met we had running in common thats how we met. But about 2 years ago I got an injury in my foot that is a permanent one and means I can no longer run. We no longer have a “thing” in common or to do together.

We go for walks together and dinners out etc but not a hobby or activity that we can enjoy as a couple. Thats honestly not a major thing for me, I enjoy the things we do together. Im a fairly independent person and keep myself busy in many other ways with my work, horse and the gym but he has found it a little harder as he lives a quieter life and wishes we had more time together.

But here is the real reason Im questioning everything. 99% he is a gentle, calm, funny, caring, sweet person who would do anything for me, but that one 1% of the time…

He has pretty bad anger issues and his behavior has been getting worse. I made it clear in the beginning if we had any issues with each other we needed to talk it out so we could work through the problem and not build up resentment and he agreed. But that hasn’t been happening. Things will be going well as far as I understand then one day out of the blue he BLOWS UP!

On four occasions this year alone things around the house have been broken, dents in the new kitchen bench, he slammed the front door and it split up the middle and the handle came off, broken a draw in the dishwasher from slamming it and his latest incident on Christmas eve, he threw KNIVES at the wall!

Each time I wasn’t home, I would get a phone call where he was scream, swear at me and demand I come home so we could talk about why he was feeling so angry. I would come home and he would scream at me some more and tell me about the damage he’s done. This latest incident has rocked me. KNIVES at the wall WTF.

I told him this is so far from okay and gets defensive and says things along the lines of I didn’t it while I was angry and its not like I threw it at a person. That sent chills down my spine. He has thrown pillows at me ounce and pushed me ounce as well. Im not physically scared of him, I and stronger and fitter then he is but that is so not the point for me.

And honestly I dont even disagree with what the issues were that made him angry in the first place but this could have been discussed in a calm mature manner not screaming/swearing at me and breaking stuff.

There have been many incidents this year that I wont go into as it will take too long but he has an inability to handle minor stresses which makes me seriously question whether there is a future with him. Imagine if we had a kid, I know for a fact he wouldn’t cope especially with zero sleep.

But again, 99% of the time he is wonderful and would do anything for me I know he loves me. Are these blow ups something we can work through or is this a sign of escalation something I need to run from now?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Yiayiamary said:

There is a reason you are questioning your relationship. Listen to yourself. Go.

KissyyyDoll said:

Property damage and physical intimidation like pushing usually lead to worse things over time. Even if you feel physically stronger, you shouldn’t have to live in a state of high alert waiting for the next “blow up.”

You deserve to feel safe in your own home. Please trust your gut on this one, especially if you’re already thinking about how he’d handle the stress of kids. It sounds like it’s time to put yourself first and get somewhere safe.

CovenOfTrashWitches said:

Please PLEASE get out, at least until and unless you can have a safe discussion about him getting some help.

Wide-Lengthiness-299 said:

Eventually that anger will be directed at you girl. Run.

And jill_electric said:

That 1% overpowers that 99% sis.

Ten days later, OP shared this big update:

Well it’s certainly been a week. First off I wanna thank everyone who’s commented on my post, nearly everyone said I needed to end things, and end things I did. It’s been a long and stressful 1-2 weeks but im feeling 10x lighter now!

I didn’t realise how bad things were but when everything was all written out in the post and with everyone saying his behaviour is so far from normal it made me realise there really wasn’t a question anymore about trying to save the relationship, my gut was right, I cannot stay with him.

Based on the circumstances and they fact we live within 10mins of both our families and some other reasons, just disappearing from the house wasn’t really an option.

I spoke to his parents as I was going to need their help on the day of the break up to keep both me safe, to make sure he leaves and that he didn’t do anything stupid to himself. He doesn’t have MH issues but has threatened to hurt himself more than ounce when he was angry, not getting his way etc.

His parents were HORRIFIED when I told them what had been happening over the last 12 months and took me at my word. They said they would help me anyway they could and have him move back home with them so they can get him the help he desperately needs.

The hardest part about it was his parents were heading away for a week interstate which meant I was in the horrible limbo of knowing the relationship was over and wanting nothing to do with him, but needing to keep things appearing normal as to not trigger another rage filled blow up. Last thing I needed was to have him catching on to my plans.

I know some will say I should have just left and not waited for his parents to come home or just stay somewhere else until they do but it honestly didn’t feel like an option in this circumstance.

I also didn’t feel to be in any danger as we were in that “honeymoon phase” after his blow up where he acts like nothing ever happened and is super kind to me. Probably trying to make up for it and maybe part of the reason ive stayed in this situation as long as I have.

The day of the break went as well as it could, I had spent the morning out with one of my oldest friends and had been talking to both mine and his parents so we could all be there at the same time to get him out of the house.

My friend left and honestly things went as well it could of, still a break up so it felt awful but he didn’t try anything because of the support around me. His parents took him home and all his belongings went with him. I am still in the house but have changed the locks and added extra security measures so I feel safe. He has stayed away and have had no contact from him.

Now im contacting family lawyers so we can begin the process of dividing assets and dealing with the house. Thank you again for everyone’s support with this it’s seriously appreciated. I feel so much better and ready to move on with my life, away from him.

This is what commenters had to say:

Careful-Tip-9722 said:

Proud of you OP! That sounds like it took so much strength to plan all that out and follow through. Having his parents on your side was clutch, honestly probably saved you from a way messier situation. Hope the lawyer stuff goes smoothly and you can finally breathe easy.

Prettydreamychica said:

you didn’t just leave him you logistically dismantled the relationship like a pro and i am in awe. like girl you handled that breakup with the precision of a military operation. proud doesn’t even cover it

OP responded:

Thank you so much this comment honestly warmed my heart 💕