“AITA for telling my husband I’m going back to work after finding out he’s been hiding money from me?”

My husband and I have been together for 12 years. We planned everything together. The house the savings the careers all of it. We both agreed years ago that when we had kids I would stay home because childcare wasn’t something either of us were comfortable with.

He lost a family member in a childcare accident when he was younger so it was always off the table. I was fine with that. We planned around it. We finally had our daughter a few weeks ago.

She’s perfect and healthy and everything went smoothly. Ive been out of work since late in my pregnancy due to some complications but my husband has been incredible through all of it. Supportive present doing more than his share while still working full time. I genuinely thought we were a perfect team.

Then I get a call from the state about insurance options for the baby. The woman mentions our household income as part of the eligibility check and throws out a number that doesn’t match what my husband has been telling me he makes. Like not even close.

For months he’s been saying he brings home around 4k a month after taxes. Turns out he’s actually bringing home closer to 6500. I logged into his accounts and found a savings account I didn’t know existed with over 30k in it. He’s been skimming money off every paycheck and hiding it.

Meanwhile, all of my income has always gone into our joint account. The one he uses too. So he’s been building a secret stash while spending mine and telling me we need to budget carefully. Last week he said we couldn’t order takeout because money was tight.

I confronted him and he broke down crying saying he just wanted something that was his. I told him I don’t feel safe anymore. If he’s hiding money from me while I gave up my career to stay home with our baby, then I need to protect myself. I told him I’m putting her in daycare and going back to work. AITA for changing the plan and going back to work?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Regular_Example_2872

He wanted something that was just his while everything you had was both of yours.

Lucy-InThe-Sky5

NTA This is an ultimate betrayal! Nowadays women have to protect themselves. You have to have a backup plan and you need to have your own security if something goes wrong.

So yes go back to work get your own savings account your own credit cards. He needs to be putting more into your joint account since he’s making more money than you realized. Banish him to the couch for a while!

SuspiciousStuff611

YTA. You should’ve never agreed to a stay at home parent anyway. But, he did nothing wrong imo. It’s HIS money. I’ve been with my wife for 19 years and I’ve never seen her account and she’s never seen mine. As it should be.

Marriage doesnt mean you’re no longer your own person. Losing your identity in a relationship is a YOU problem. Hopefully you get a job soon and chill back out. You’re already punishing your kid bc of your mistakes, let’s hope you only do that once to this baby.

AntelopeHead2592

Did you read her story? He’s been using her savings from what I read they have a joint account there money is pooled and agreed to be pooled together. He’s actively hiding money when they agreed to have joint finances clearly you have a different arrangement with your wife.

SuspiciousStuff611

Yes I read it. Again, that’s on her. She should’ve checked. Asked. Not just trusted blindly.

She willingly gave up her job and independence.

AssumptionSecret1641

NTA Having financial independence is important. Esp if he’s hiding money. You should both keep an amount of your pays each month for yourselves. Be it to spend of save. Having some financial independence stops being stuck in a situation you need to leave.

My biggest recommendation is for both of you to have emergency to go account. It should be enough to get safe and stay safe for a few weeks. Financial openness and honesty between partners is important.

The only account they don’t need to know how much is the personal amounts. Everything else should be visible to the other. In my experience knowing how much you both earn. Then work out what the split is eg. Earn the same 50/50 Or could be 60/40.

Then if the household and family expenses are X amount you both put in your % of that amount. The rest you can decide Y saving same % contribution. The rest is yours to spend or save.