My parents always complain that I don’t visit them often. They get upset that we always spend the holidays with my husband’s parents.
I have told them many times that if they want me to visit they have to pick a date in advance. I have a busy life and often plan out big trips months in advance. I think this is perfectly normal.
The reason we always spend holidays with my husband’s family is because they invite us to holiday parties well in advance and actually celebrate. My parents on the other hand don’t even celebrate holidays. They have said they would celebrate if we came to visit but I know it won’t be the same. They have no idea how to celebrate and I personally don’t want to go to a half assed Christmas’s when we can go to one with people who actually care and put effort into.
Things hit a head when we didn’t go to my parents Thanksgiving this year. We agreed to go to my husband’s grandmothers house two months in advance. My parents called me the week before and asked if we would come to their Thanksgiving. I told them that I would have said yes but they really didn’t give us much notice for a big trip and we already made a commitment. They got really upset about this.
Now they want me to come and visit them. I told them I would come if they can pick a date that they can commit to that is at least two months away. I also want a general idea of what they want to do when I come visit. I don’t want to make the trip and then end up having to plan an itinerary too. This apparently is an impossible task for them.
For context my dad once chose to not pick me up at the airport because he decided last minute that he wanted to go to a yoga class. This is the kind of reason they can’t pick a date and stick to it.
I told them point blank that I would not be making the trip without a plan. They said I’m being ridiculous. AITA?
Edit: by making plans and an itinerary I mean having dinner together. Many times when I go to visit them they tell me they want to go to a last minute thing and we can hang out the next day. I want them to spend time with me when I take time to visit them. Sometimes I’m invited but I really don’t want to go to a random ukulele concert when they know I hate concerts. I have expressed this many times.
Edit 2: I would like to add that we do go to the city all the time to visit our friends and work spending time with my parents into that. They are specifically mad that we don’t go to exclusively see them.
Last edit: thank you so much to everyone who commented. It’s a big mix of opinions which is great because it shows so many different perspectives. I really appreciate it!
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