“AITA for cursing out a woman for not controlling her kids at my mom’s wake?”
This happened decades ago. My mom died of cancer when I was not quite 17. She raised me on her own so for all my life it was me and her. Needless to say, I was devastated and a wreck. But I digress. Skip to my mom’s wake.
She was laid out. Standard wake setup. Her up front. Family down the side for people to offer condolences, and a seating area in the middle. Much of the event was a haze to me. I do remember it was busy at times as my mom was loved by coworkers and friends groups of which she had many.
During one lull in the event I was sitting contemplating life and how to navigate it without her when I noticed two kids, a girl and a boy probably around 8ish or so. They approach the casket with their mom of whom I had no knowledge of the relationship to my mom, but that wasn’t uncommon. She knew a lot of people. But they paid their respects and went to sit down.
More people come but then it gets slow again. I notice the kids approach the casket sans mom who was talking with others. The kids then walk back to mom. A bit later they go up again. Then they do the fast kid walk, the one where they want to run but not bring that much attention to themselves. They go right past the receiving line whispering, “I touched her, I touched her!” “Me too!”
I realized what was going on. The kids were making it a game. I got up and yelled out, “Have some respect! This isn’t the place to let your kids run around playing touch the dead body!” Everyone went completely silent and looked from me to the kids to the mom. The kids started crying either from the sudden yelling at a quiet and somber occasion or for getting caught.
The woman looked at me like she just sucked a whole lemon, mouth opened to say something but thought better of it, huffed and stormed out with her kids. I went out the back door to get some air and alone time to calm down. When I came back it was back to low level conversation but I did notice some furtive glances my way.
Always wondered if they were talking crap about me, understanding because I was grieving, or agreeing. The few times I told this story throughout my life I got mixed reactions. Some agree that wakes are no place for kids at all, let alone to be allowed to run around unsupervised.
Some say I should have shut up and let it go without making a scene. It’s one of those core memories though. One I cringe over when it comes up during the sleepless nights. So I’ll leave it up to you guys. Was I the ahole?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Stormdanc3 said:
NTA. Yeah, those kids didn’t get it. To them it was probably a random stranger and they were bored stiff. Which is why it was their mom’s responsibility to teach them better. Could you have handled it more tactfully?
Theoretically yes, but you were 17, devastated, and caught off guard. And frankly that reaction probably brought home the reality of what was going on to those kids far better than any amount of lecturing would have done.
Adventurous-Term5062 said:
NTA. You were nicer than I would have been.
YouKnowYourCrazy said:
NTA and please forgive yourself for this. You were a kid. I know we tend to remember ourselves as we are today, with the same emotional intelligence and abilities we have today, but YOU WERE A CHILD who just lost their mom. In incredible pain and grief. Please approach that poor kid in your memory with compassion and love.
If you saw a child at a funeral today would you be upset with her for lashing out? I don’t think so. You would think “ugh she’s got to be in so much pain, poor kid this is tragic.” Please do that for yourself and let go of the harsh judgement you are applying to yourself here. That mom should have controlled her children. That’s all on her, and frankly, they got what they deserved. Disgusting behavior.
HollyGoLately said:
NTA it’s one of those times you really really need to control your kids.
KhriscindaSucks said:
NTA. mom should have been monitoring her children. Wakes are not a place for children unless a close relative. If she had no one to watch the children a quick pop in to pay respects then a quiet exit should have been the game plan.
Prestigious-Name-323 said:
NTA. The parent should have put a stop to it long before you did.
Constellation-88 said:
NTA. I’m all for letting kids say goodbye and for bringing kids to funerals so they understand about life and death, but kids should be respectful. It’s not that hard to supervise your kids and teach them to be respectful.
br4ssmooseknuckle said:
NTA. As someone with a deceased parent that I miss dearly every single day, you were so justified in doing that. I hope that mom left in a huff from embarrassment.
