AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend after meeting his kids for the first time?

Good afternoon. Sorry if I make any dumb format mistakes, I only really know reddit from my podcasts.

I, 36F, am a divorced mother to an 11‑year‑old son. I’ve been dating a coworker, 38M, for about 8 months. He is a single dad to two boys, who are 12 and 9. We had agreed not to introduce our kids until things got serious, so up until last week we only met outside, or at my place when my son was with his dad. Last week, we had a long discussion about the course of our relationship, and decided to introduce our kids. I was honestly shocked by several things during our little rendezvous.

First, the house was very messy, as if they hadn’t attempt to tidy despite knowing we were coming. Then, when I met his boys, they said hello for maybe 5 seconds and immediately went back to their room, despite us having agreed to spend time in their patio, since my (ex?) boyfriend had ordered some nice take-out. The just grabbed two plates and scurried away to their room. ex?bf told my son to do the same and go hang out with them, but my son later told me they barely spoke to him at all. Both of his sons are very obviously obese.

I don’t mean to be insulting, I’m sorry. I do not know how else to describe it. As someone who has worked with kids, I have learned to never judge anyone, let alone children, by something as frivolous as their weight, but it was very strange to me that, my ex?bf being a healthy gym-goer, would have children so clearly unhealthy. When my son came out about an hour later and asked for water, my ex?bf told me to “grab something from the fridge.” There was no water at all. Just sodas and juices. The entire fridge had nothing but junk food and the meal kits I know ex?bf to bring to work. No fruits or vegetables, which I know him to snack on.

I want to clarify I am not judging the kids. They are children, and they eat what is provided. It’s good that they eat at all. But it made me realize that our parenting styles and household habits are on completely opposite ends of the spectrum. I feel uneasy about blending our families when the environments are so incompatible.

After sleeping on it, I sent him this message:

“Hey, I’ve been thinking a lot about last night. I really appreciate you inviting us over, but I’m realizing that our parenting styles and home organization are very different. I don’t want to sound judgmental at all, we are all doing our best out here, but I don’t think we’re compatible long‑term as a blended family. I care about you, but I don’t want to keep going if we’re not aligned on the basics of how we raise our kids. I hope you understand <3 Wish you all the best.”

He did not take it well. He messaged he “doesn’t have time to cook and clean perfectly like I do” because he has a more demanding job (we literally work the same job, just different teams). Then he accused me of “robbing his kids of a beautiful Christmas” because I had previously offered to host and cook dinner if the meeting went well.

He called me earlier today, and I picked up. He apologized over an over for the dramatic messages and for his kids excluding mine, he says they are just obsessed with their games. He wants to take us all out to a restaurant and try to make it work. I said I’d think about it.

Should I think about it? He didn’t say it, but there is always the chance that I just caught them on a bad week. My co-parent is refusing to comment directly, but I know him too well, and the way our conversation went, he was implying I’m being picky.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.