Would I Be The Asshole If I Didn’t Take My Daughter To See Her Father On Christmas?
Her father & I were together for 7 Yrs. [We were both addicts.] I decided to get clean & sober, but he never followed suit. I’d finally had enough & left him in Sept. 2025 & became a single mother. [He’s not on the birth certificate because when we were in the hospital after I’d given birth he forgot to print his name him on the “Acknowledgment Of Paternity” paperwork therefore we can’t proceed w/ a Parenting Plan. This will be taken care of soon.] I’d been supervising visitation on an irregular basis because he’s unreliable [which I don’t have to do.] He was over one night visiting w/ our daughter & I was expressing how difficult it was being a single mother because he refuses to accept help in getting clean & sober. His response to this was “You’ve only been a single mother for a couple of months. Boo hoo!”. We got into a screaming match over this & he hasn’t seen our daughter since. [This was about 2 weeks ago.] I told him he isn’t seeing our daughter until he gets clean & sober which included holidays. [Our daughter is only 2 Yrs. Old & doesn’t understand Christmas therefore I feel like taking our daughter to visit him would be to spare his feelings & not hers.] I feel like if I keep allowing supervised visitation he’ll just come & go as he pleases. I have the AOP paperwork [it needs to be filled-out] & once that’s done we can proceed w/ a PP which gives him something to work for & towards. I’m fed-up w/ how selfish he’s being & how he’s causing immense amount of pain on those around him. I can’t do it anymore. I’m really conflicted on this & input from fellow users in this group would be appreciated & helpful. [I don’t need nor want any criticism.] Thank-you!
UPDATE: I can’t respond to every negative comment so here’s a bit more info.
I’ve been clean & sober for 1 Yr., 3 mon. & 27 days. [I’ve been clean & sober before. This time around has been the longest]. I started off supervising visitation because I wanted to foster a relationship between our daughter & her father, but as time went on I kept seeing behaviors from him that weren’t appropriate for our daughter to see. [He’d nod out standing-up & so on & so forth.] The comment he’d made was the final straw for me. I’m not good at making &/or sticking to boundaries. It’s hard to walk away from someone you still love because of active addiction. [It doesn’t feel brave. It feels painful. It feels unfair.] This time around I have to make & stick to the boundaries I’ve put in place to protect myself & daughter.
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