My dad was an inconsistent dad for the first 6 years of my life. He would see me when he felt like it, he would ignore me when he felt like it and he’d make promises and break them all the time. I then didn’t see him for a decade. He didn’t call, send cards, pay child support or make any effort to see me. It was after I turned 16 that he reached out and told my mom he wanted to step up and do right by me. At the time I was against it and I asked mom to tell him to fuck off.
He started paying back child support and sending birthday and christmas cards and gifts. He sent extra money to mom for school supplies and he showed up to a few school events that were made public on social media. I saw him for the first time in 10 years at one of those events and he kept showing up.
Eventually I agreed to talk to him. He told me he was married and once he settled he realized he didn’t want to miss out on more of my life and that he realized how fucked up he was to abandon his own son. It wasn’t enough for me to go yeah sure, let’s have a relationship. But I told him I would let him try.
I answered the phone when he called, responded to his texts and I let him take me out for lunch or dinner sometimes. After a few months I met his wife. She seemed okay at the time. She wanted to be more involved in the reconciliation stuff but that wasn’t okay with me. Dad let me set the boundaries and make the rules. All he asked for in return was that I didn’t badmouth his wife or ask him to divorce her which I agreed to.
A few months ago he told me his wife was pregnant and I told him I wanted to add a new boundary to the reconciliation effort. He asked what that was and I told him no babysitting. I said no emergency babysitting, no Friday or Saturday night babysitting, no hour or two during the day babysitting, none. I told him that always seems to be a go to for people and I was not okay with it. My dad said that was fine and he confirmed no babysitting.
But his wife had a problem with this and she still has a problem with it because now the baby is here and I still say no babysitting if dad wants to make things work between us. She vocalized it twice already and it turned into a fight between her and my dad. What she said was if I am going to give my dad a chance I should be a part of the family and I should be willing to help with my half sibling because it also helps the family. She said it’s like I’m punishing everyone still and to think about how my half sibling will feel in 20 years if they find out one of my rules for dad having contact with me is I wouldn’t babysit even in an emergency situation.
My dad defended me on it and when I talked to my mom she said my dad’s wife was being unreasonable. But is she right about any of it, like the emergency situation? I’m asking for real because idk. AITAH?
BTW I’m 18 and M for anyone who needs to know that info to decide.
