so aita?
quick as can be context….the father of my eldest children moved out over 8 years ago my kids were then 4 and 11

. he wasn’t a supportive partner I did everything with a for the kids mentally physically and financially. he entered a new relationship had another child during this time I tried to be reasonable and I tried to facilitate a relationship between him and my kids, he would only bother with the youngest which he continually let down and gave no care for the eldest whatsoever. in these 8 years he has not been a dad by any means. I started a new relationship 5 years ago and have 2 more children. my ex still doesn’t try for his kids my eldest has no interest in this guy anymore he’s aware of everything. my 12 year old with autism hasn’t been asked about or asked if he can see her pick her up NADA,, but he does find time here n then to msg me nonsense while on the sesh still no word about his kids.
MY MOM who I will say our relationship has deteriorated over the last 3 years due to various reasons came into my house on Xmas day the 1st thing she said to my 12 year old while kinda pointing at her was “seen your dad the other day he asked about you” I gave her a look n said not now my mom spoke back like a child imo and said “yeahh wellll he did”
I left the room for a breather and it was left at that .
it has played on my mind since 1st of all the first thing you say to her after not seeing her for months is that? 2ndly MY CHILD isn’t to blame the grown ass man is and 3rdly WHY would my mom give him the time of day to even converse with him and if she felt she couldn’t move away or not talk why not tell ME in private not my 12 year old
I’m getting madder the more I think about it because how anyone would do that to my daughter in a tone that felt to me like my child could perceive it as her fault, as if she is supposed to reach out to her parent. the fact it’s Christmas day and my daughter became very emotional throughout the day Only starting after that, the fact my mom felt to talk through me to my child as if it’s ME that’s stopping her seeing her dad the poor man asking after his daughter. am I the asshole here because I’m so angry and if I wasn’t the person I am I’d cut contact completely for that.
my mom KNOWS about this man, funny how a while back when she saw his mom my ex mil she let me know she seen her in a shop but my mom made herself unseen because she reckons his mom “would have the nerve to ask where you live” (moved house 3 years ago and actually his mom has been to my home once since but how is my mom not wanting to speak with his mother n having that thought on her but the actual parent of my child is a drug using narcissistic peice of shit that doesn’t try to see his kids she’s managed a conversation with AND came to inform my child. and still I have NO IDEA of the context of the conversation what he said etc.
I have text my mom briefly and told her it wasn’t right how she did that and it’s all down to him n not on me and asked what was said , no reply yet but I know my mom will have some smart talk back and an apology would be a miracle, but I suppose I’m wondering does this situation require an apology from my mom or should I get over it as no big deal?